Kindergarten Notes
by SableShadow
Summary: One-shot. Jacob is remembering the encounter in the forest when he got Bella grounded while he replies to her note. "I looked at the crumpled piece of paper in my hand... it feels more like delicate cloth than paper torn from a notebook..."


Disclaimer: I in no way own anything remotely related to the Twilight world and an definetely no Stephenie Meyer and I did this because I was extremely and incredibly bored.

Please don't get angry at me because the lines are from the books and I'm not trying to enfringe on the copywrite (that sounded really jumbled). And if anyone is willing to edit this for me I'd be really grateful. This is the first time I've ever attempted to write a fanfic and I'd really like it if you review and tell me the blunt truth.

I'm from Australia so the grammer might be a bit weird.

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Kindergarten Notes

I looked at the crumpled piece of paper in my hand. The familiar handwriting stared back at me. When Billy had given me the neatly folded note two days ago, my first reaction was to scrunch it up and toss in the bin. Since then, I've read it and tossed it out so many times that it feels more like delicate cloth than paper torn from a notebook.

The words written in blue ink were gentle, but each caring word stabbed me in the heart as my mind drifted back to our last conversation. She had revealed something terrible that gave me constant nightmares and heartache, which I still stubbornly refused to believe.

_I was in the woods in front of _her_ house. Bella. The girl I'd had a crush ever since that first day on the beach. The high school crush that had developed into something more. _

_Love. _

_She was everything I'd ever hoped for. But her heart belonged to someone else. Edward. _A low growl escaped my throat as I remembered him. _Edward the bloodsucking, undead, leech. I'm amazed that she would willingly stay in the same room as that unnatural creature let alone love him. _

_I wish he had never come back. Bella was broken when he left, but she was making progress with me and she would've gotten over him and admitted her love for me if we'd just had more time._

_We would've been happy together._

_My thoughts were scattered when I saw Bella and the bloodsucker coming towards me._

"_Traitor!" Bella's angry shout flew towards me and I winced as looked guiltily towards the shiny red motorbike sitting in the driveway._

_I had to do it. I had to get her grounded so she wouldn't be allowed to see the bloodsucker anymore. I was beating myself up for it while trying to rationalise it at the same time._

_I wrenched my thoughts away from her and focused on the reason I was here. The others in the pack were nervous around the Cullens so I volunteered to act as spokesperson for the pack. Sam had insisted I bring backup but I had shrugged it off._

_I shifted against the tree I was leaning on when Bella and the bloodsucking leech reached me. I couldn't stop the sneer that twisted my features and shrugged away from the tree. My hands were clenched into fists to stop myself from attacking the leech now that I could smell him._

_The bloodsucker stopped a few feet away and shifted until Bella was behind him. As if she needs protection from me. I almost laughed at the thought. _

_Bella's accusing eyes peeked out from behind the leech and I felt another pang of guilt for ratting her out to her father._

"_Bella" I nodded politely towards her while never taking my eyes off the bloodsucker._

"_Why?" Her anguished whisper tore through me. "How could you do this to me, Jacob?"_

_My sneer vanished, but I kept the neutral mask in place. _

"_It's for the best." And it really was._

"_What is _that_ supposed to mean? Do you want Charlie to_ strangle_ me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack, like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?"_

_I winced, but didn't answer. I hadn't wanted to hurt anyone. I only wanted her grounded so she would stay away from the leech. I hadn't even thought of Charlie. And I felt sad as I was reminded of Harry._

"_He didn't want to hurt anyone—he just wanted to get you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me," the leech murmured._

_I looked at him with hateful eyes. Stupid, filthy, bloodsucking, undead, mind-reading, leeches! _

"_Aw, Jake! I'm _already_ grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?" She was grounded? _

"_That's why?" I was confused. I thought the bloodsucker wouldn't let her see me. I swore in my head at my outburst._

"_He thought _I_ wouldn't let you, not Charlie." I really hated that mind-reading bloodsucker. Especially since he was always right._

"_Stop that," I snapped, my temper starting to fray._

_He didn't answer._

_I shuddered, gritting my teeth as hard as my fists. If I lost control now, I'd phase and I didn't want to violate the treaty or hurt Bella._

"_Bella wasn't exaggerating about your… abilities," my words were barely intelligible as I forced them though my teeth. "So you must already know why I'm here." It was hard to maintain any civility._

"_Yes," the leech agreed. "But, before you begin, I need to say something."_

_I waited, clenching and unclenching my hands in and attempt to control the shivers rolling down my arms, which meant that I was angry enough to phase._

"_Thank you," I never thought I'd ever hear those words coming out of his mouth "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my," he paused, "existence."_

_I just stared at him blankly, the trembling in my arms stopped for a moment in my surprise. I exchanged a quick glance with Bella, but she looked just as surprised._

"_For keeping Bella alive," he continued clarifying his previous words. "When I… didn't."_

"_Edward—," Bella's soft voice started. he held up a hand, still staring at me._

_Understanding washed through me as I processed his words. I quickly composed my features back into a neutral mask._

"_I didn't do it for your benefit." I wouldn't do anything for him._

"_I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you…"_

_I considered his words. All I wanted was Bella. If he left again, Bella and I could rebuild our relationship. _

_I raised an eyebrow in a silent question._

_He shook his head. "That's not in my power."_

"_Whose, then?" I growled, frustrated_

_The bloodsucking leech looked down at Bella before answering._ _"Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away."_

_Hope rekindled slightly, but Bella's words squashed that thought._

"_Never," she whispered, her eyes locked on the bloodsucker's._

_I made a gagging sound._

_Bella broke free of his gaze and frowned at me. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble—mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?"_

_I kept my eyes on the leech, remembering the original reason I was here._ "_I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty chat is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute."_

_The leech said smoothly "We haven't forgotten," at the same time that Bella demanded, "What key points?"_

_I chose to answer Bella but still glared at the bloodsucker._

"_The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite_, not kill," I emphasised. Finally I looked at Bella with cold eyes._

_Her reply stunned me._

"_That's none of your business."_

"_The hell it—" was all I choked out before my mind caught up with her words. _

_He was going to turn her. He was going to make her into something inhuman, cold as ice, hard as granite. And her heart would no longer beat. _

_He was going to doom her to a fate worse than death._

_And it was what she wanted._

_When I came here I thought the warning was only a precaution. I never thought it might already be too late. I never wanted to believe that Bella would ever consider becoming a vampire._

_Spasms racked through my body as I fought the change. I pressed my fists hard against my temples and squeezed my eyes shut. I curled into myself in an attempt to stop myself from phasing._

"_Jake? You okay?" Bella's anxious voice called out to me. _

"_Careful! He's not under control," a clear warning in the bloodsucker's voice. Strangely, his implication that I would hurt Bella helped me regain my control._

"_Ugh. _I_ would never hurt her." I added emphasis to the 'I'._

_A growl escaped from the bloodsucker's lips and my fists clenched reflexively. _

"_BELLA!" An angry voice I recognised as Charlie's startled us into immobility. "YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"_

_None of us spoke in the silence that followed._

_Bella's trembling voice muttered quietly. "Crap."_

_My furious expression faltered and once again a wave of guilt washed over me. "I _am_ sorry about that, I had to do what I could—I had to try…" My feeble attempts to justify my actions failed miserably._

"_Thanks." From what I could tell, she was trying to be sarcastic, but the tremor in her voice ruined the effect._

"_Just one more thing, we've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line—have you?" The bloodsucker looked at Bella then looked at me._

"_The last time was while Bella was… away. We let her think she was slipping through—we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her—but then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since." I hated the red-haired bloodsucker even more than I hated the Cullens. It was going to feel so good when the pack catches her._

_He nodded. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll —"_

_I immediately became defensive. I wanted to rip her apart myself for threatening Bella and killing those humans. "She killed on our turf, she's ours!"_

"_No—," Bella started to protest._

"_BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T INSIDE THIS HOUSE IN ONE MINUTE… !" Police Chief Swan didn't bother to finish the sentence._

"_Let's go," the bloodsucker said._

_Bella looked back at me, a torn expression on her face._

"_Sorry," I whispered, knowing it was too low for her to hear me."Bye, Bells."_

"_You promised, still friends, right?" I wished I could say yes. I shook his head slowly._

"_You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but… I can't see how to keep trying. Not now…" I struggled to keep my face neutral and distant, but I lost that struggle. "Miss you," I mouthed. My hand reached out towards he automatically, fingers outstretched, wishing something as simple as a gesture could was enough to bridge the gap between us. _

"_Me, too," her voice sounded strangled. I watched as she, too, reached a hand towards me._

_Pain tore up my insides, and I could see it reflected I her face._

"_Jake…" She stepped towards me._

_The bloodsucker wound restraining arms around her._

"_It's okay," and couldn't fathom how much I wanted to believe her words._

_I kept my face cold with the mask back in place. "No, it's not."_

_I was furious again as I glimpsed the bloodsucker's hands holding Bella back. My words came out as a growl. "Let her go, she wants to!"_

_I took two long strides forward, anticipating her touch. Before I reached her, the leech pushed her behind him and faced me._

"_No! Edward—!" At least I knew she wanted the contact as much as I. _

"_ISABELLA SWAN!"_

"_Come on! Charlie's mad!" Her voice sounded panicked. "Hurry!"_

_She dragged him along, but he kept his eyes on me as they retreated._

_I could feel the scowl on my face as I watched him leave. The anticipation poured out of mu body, and I could no longer keep up the indifferent façade. I crumpled in pain and once again wished that monsters weren't real, and that I wasn't one of them._

I shook my head, clearing that unpleasant memory from my mind. Night after night, I'd dream of Bella.

I'd walk up to her, and she'd turn around, and I'd see her pale skin, her unnatural beauty, and red irises. And I knew that's how she'd look when she became a vampire.

It's better if I thought her dead already, for she'd die in a few years anyway.

I wanted to agree with her, to grasp at the line of friendship she offered me. But I couldn't. The love of her life, I grimaced in distaste, was my mortal enemy. And she would become one soon.

I sat there for another hour, fighting with myself over whether or not I should reply to her note. Finally, I made up my mind and tore a page out of a notebook.

My pen hovered over the paper as I thought of what to write. I sighed, and began it with her name,

_Bella,_

I hastily scrawled out the first thing that came to mind.

_I don't know why you're making Charlie carry notes to Billy like we're in second grade — if I wanted to talk to you I would answer the_

I stopped there, unsure of what to write. Angrily, I crossed it out, smudging the still-wet ink in the process.

_You made the choice here, okay? You can't have it both ways when_

Again, I crossed it out.

_What part of 'mortal enemies' is too complicated for you to_

No, that's not how I want to start it. In my frustration, I gripped the pen too hard and it spilled wet ink onto the paper.

_Look, I know I'm being a jerk, but there's just no way around_

I almost tore the paper to shreds, but I restrained myself and crossed it out once more.

_We can't be friends when you're spending all your time with a bunch of_

I dug pen into the paper as I crossed it out.

_It just makes it worse when I think about you too much, so don't write anymore_

Too emotional. I crossed that out too.

_Yeah, I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry._

_Jacob_

That'll have to do.

I looked at the abused note in my hand, eyes tracing the ink splotches. I really should write it out again, but I knew I'd never be able to send it back to her if I deliberated.

I looked over my hastily scrawled note once more.

Before I could lose my nerve, I ran to Billy and shoved the note in his hand. I barely registered his surprised face before I ran back to my room and slammed the door. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day and tried, unsuccessfully, not to think of Bella.


End file.
